The Grief of Adulting

I don't know but I'm sure I'll read this maybe in the next 5 year and by that time, I'll see the unexpected past me. 

Anyway, I am in the mid of my 20s this year, and there's so much things that've been on my mind. Getting married, savings, kerja yang stabil, you named it. Being mid 20s, buat kita fikir so much things yg kita belum achieve lg. Apalagi zaman sekarang dipenuhi dgn 'influencers' di sosial media, buat kita terkejar-kejar mencari makna 'successful' yang sebenar. As for me, I am so tired of being me. Sometimes, I just want the world to stop for a while, stop growing up, stop looking for money. I just want to rest for a bit. Exhausted but hidup tanpa makna itu lebih memenatkan.

I stop doing the things that I like few years ago. In my teen years, I love doing blog, play with code, graphic design is my passion, I said, lmao. but then when I grew a little bit, I realised I am not that good and creativity is not for me. Then, I tried to learn more about video editing, documenting my little life in university. Grew a little bit older, I stop. I don't have time to do all of that thing.

Then, I start working. I stop doing all the things that once a fun thing. My weekdays is for work, my weekend for the hustle. I miss being the freely me. I miss the feelings of laying with a zero mind. Sometimes I cried, for no reason. Just want to let it out. Then, I proceed to live my life because I believe someday I'll found the happy me. It's hidden, somewhere.

and maybe, in the next year of my life, I'll find happiness. Not the grief of adulting.

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